Nina's Side
by hiraikoneko
Summary: You never think it'll end...that pure innocence you have as a child. It was ripped away from me. My sanity was ripped away. My Humanity. Alexander was too. I wasn't Nina anymore. I was too smart. Too naïve. I was a human. I was a monster. So I became both. I hated Daddy. I hated everything. I mostly hated the Truth. And all the knowledge in the world..now in my head.
1. 1: I Screamed

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!**_

* * *

**Chapter One: I Screamed**

I always loved my dad. He took care of me...he made it so I didn't miss mom. Well...he tried. I still missed her. I needed more attention...I was happy when those two alchemists came.

They left eventually...and it was just me and Daddy. And Alexander.

He cheered me up when they left and kept me happy...Even if he wasn't there much. He was always busy working on his research.

Nothing could ever go wrong.

I should have expected it.

But I was just a little kid.

* * *

I woke up in the cold. In the dark. I didn't like the dark...the monsters were in the dark. Where was I?

The floor beneath me was made of a cold, flat metal. The walls were close to me. Reaching out, I could feel small bars. It reminded me of a cage-

Was Daddy here?

I called out for him, but there was no answer. There room seemed empty, but I couldn't see anything in front of me.

There was another cage beside mine...there was something in it...a dark lump. I could hear it breathing heavily.

It was a monster...was it going to eat me?

It let out a long, high-pitched whine. The sound was familiar.

"A-Alexander?!" I asked, turning to the lump. Whatever it was, it was laying in a pool of dark liquid. Its sides heaved with each breath.

There was a thump...its tail beating up and down.

It _WAS_ Alexander...if he was here, than Daddy must be too...

I tried calling for him again...but he wasn't there. Or he was asleep...

The last thing I remembered was going to bed...and then...I woke up here.

I reached through the bars to pet Alexander, but I stopped right away. His fur was- There was no fur. I reached out again...it was just his nose.

I pet my dog trying to think of what was going on. Someone had kidnapped me and Alexander...

Daddy would come to save us...or he'd get Edward and Alphonse to come save me...

A door swung open slowly with a painful CREEEAK that made me hair stand on end. I felt, more than saw, Alexander move closer to me so he was leaning against the bars of our cages.

A man walked in, and suddenly the room was full of light. I cried out at the sudden change. It hurt my eyes.

Since I had covered them, I didn't see the man coming. Alexander started growling, just as another creak rang out. I looked up to see-

"Daddy?!" I reached out for him, so happy to see my daddy. He had come to save me!

He reached into the cage and pulled me out, but he didn't say a word. Alexander continued to growl, letting loose a loud bark that bounced off the walls.

Why was Alexander acting like that?!

Now that the lights were on, I could see that the liquid in his cage was blood...Alexander had a large cut in his side.

Who hurt Alexander?!

Daddy put me down on a table. I looked up at him. "Stay." He said. I nodded, confused, but stayed where I was.

Couldn't we leave?

Daddy didn't go back to Alexander's cage. Instead, he began looking through a filing cabinet. I looked around the room. More cages lined the wall besides mine and Alexander's...there were furry things laying all around the room...and on a wall across from them, there was a large tank filled with a clear liquid...inside...

There was a chopped up dead thing. Its eyes stared at me. Cold and dead. They were familiar, but I couldn't remember where I had seen eyes like it before. I was getting scared again.

"Daddy...when can we leave?"

"We'll leave soon enough. Don't worry." He said, not looking up.

There were multiple desks covered in papers. I was alright at reading, but one paper caught my eyes from where I sat on the table.

"H-Hu...Man. Human Tra...transmew...transmutaty -on. Human transmutaty-on. Human Transmutation." I read. Something about that didn't feel right to me.

It sounded bad.

Daddy looked up from his files and an odd look crossed his features. I wasn't sure I liked that look. I wanted to leave...now.

Daddy walked towards me, pulling out a piece of chalk, "Nina, come down here."

He motioned to a large patch of clear floor. Now that I took the time to look, it was made of cement...or concrete.

I sat on the floor where he told me and watched as he began to draw something around me. I watched him curiously. It looked like an alchemy circle. Al had shown me a few when he fixed one of my dolls.

When he finished, he went to Alexander's cage and opened it. Roughly, he grabbed my doggy's collar and tugged him out of the cage. Alexander struggled to get free, but Daddy didn't let him go.

"Alexander!" I called. My dog stopped struggling and looked at me.

Daddy let him go so he could run to me. I hugged Alexander tightly, telling him we were going to be all right...Telling him Daddy had saved us. We were okay now, and we'd go home soon.

Daddy knelt by the circle and placed his hands on it. I let out a startled scream as the circle lit up.

Pain raced up my legs and through my body until my mind was blank. I felt the dog in my arms disappear along with the rest of my vision. Cell by cell I felt myself get ripped apart. It hurt so much I could feel anything but white.

I screamed for him to stop. For him to help. I screamed for the world to make it stop...For someone out there to help me.

Or...maybe I just screamed.

* * *

_**So... I may have been feeling slightly evil when I was writing this. Honestly, Nina's death was probably the part of FMA that hit me hardest in the Feels...**_

_**I can't think of FMA without nearly crying because of her...so...I decided to change some stuff...with darling Nina.**_

_**If you don't like it...don't read.**_


	2. 2: I learned

**Chapter Two: I Learned**

I didn't exist anymore. We didn't exist. Did we ever? We wanted to leave this place...wherever it was.

It was white. There was nothing here. Not even us. There was nothing there...and there never would be.

We looked around. We...when did _I_ become _WE?_ I meant there was one of us...We meant there were more...who were we?

"Welcome..." We turned to see the form of a kid...We think it was a kid...older than us. We're not sure how we saw it. The world around us was white...and child was white, but somehow he was there. At times there was a dark outline of his form...like a plume of smoke.

There was a difference between the white that was nothing and the white that was everything.

The only thing that wasn't white was the looming stone doors that reached WAAAY up into the sky...or what would have been sky...if anything existed. We weren't sure about that door...it didn't feel right. We growled at it. That felt right.

The boy...We think it was a boy...chuckled at our reaction to the door, "You aren't supposed to be here anyways."

"We're not? Where are we?"

"Ah...so much like that woman...I guess you'd call this place...God's Realm. The World...the Universe. You're not supposed to be here...it was supposed to be that man out there...playing god."

We weren't sure who he was talking about, but after a moment, we remembered him. We can't say if the memories were of the same person though. One of us thought it was Daddy...the other one thought it was the horrible human who did bad things to Nina and her Mother.

"Well...You're here anyways." He said. For a moment, he looked up and let out a sigh, "Do you think the author sees this as a game?"

Once again,we didn't know who he was talking about.

"Who?" We asked.

"Ah...You'll find out soon enough...if you go through that door." The boy pointed towards the massive door.

"Why?"

"When you go through there...you'll learn everything."

We took a step towards the door.

"Sorry, but before you go through, you'll have to pay my something, just like all the others."

"What can we pay with?" We asked, "There's nothing here for us to give you."

"Ah...there is something you could give me." He said. "Give me a part of you."

"A part of us? What part? There are no parts..." We wanted to look down at ourselves, but there was nothing. Just a misformed blur.

"There is something...I'll take it and you can learn everything."

"Will we learn why daddy did this to us?"

"Yes...and much, much more."

"Alright." We agreed, but one part of us seemed reluctant. We ignored this and stepped towards the door.

Then, suddenly, it wasn't _Us_. **We** were _me_ again. There was no **we**. If there was a **we**, who was the _other I_?

The doors swung open and black tendrils curled out of the doorway. A giant eye greeted me. I looked back towards the boy, only to find that he had been replaced by the outline of a doggy.

One thought crossed my mind before the tendrils dragged me through.

'_Where was Alexander?_'

Before anything else could get through my mind, I was pulled into the darkness. I didn't like the darkness...not that light was much better.

I couldn't think after that point...my mind was being crammed with EVERYTHING. Numbers, words, places, people, death, life, pain, pain, pain, pain, Pain, PAin, PAIn, PAIN, **PAIN.**

My mind was so full of EVERYTHING that I almost missed him...a boy sitting alone in all that EVERYTHING.

That was Alphonse. Rights? It must have been. How I knew that, I'm not sure...but I knew eerything now. Was that a good thing? I wasn't sure.

It's amazing how I can know everything and understand nothing.

My eyes shut as finally, I felt my mind break and give way under all the pressure of EVERYTHING and Nothing At All.

I was all alone with everything and nothing. With everything and Nothing to do in this dark place...

I learned.


	3. 3: I lived

**Chapter Three: I Lived**

I opened my eyes, and found we were still in the basement. Ah...I got all mixed up again. Silly Nina. It was just me. There was no we.

"I've done it!" I looked towards the voice. It was Daddy. It was kinda hard to see with all the hair in my eyes, but it was him. Daddy. I wasn't sure I liked Daddy anymore. He scared me now. When I was in that dark place...I learnt a lot of things. Human Transmutation was a forbidden form of alchemy. My father was a state alchemist known as the Sewing Life Alchemist. It sounded really cool...but Daddy was bad. I learnt about what he did to Mommy. Did he do something like that to me and Alexander?

How could he? What did I do wrong?

Was that why Big Brother and Bigger Brother left? Because I was bad? But...but they always came back...everyday. I don't know...so many different plots and timelines.

Daddy left me in the cage I woke up in, for a moment, while he went to fill out something on his paper work.

My eyes drifted around the room, looking at all the transmutation circles Daddy had made on the walls and floor. I looked at all the books lining the shelves. Even though he had blown out all the candles around me, and turned off the light, I could still make out the titles.

Even though I hadn't been able to read until that boy...Truth...sent us into the gate. We learnt so much.

If I wanted to, I was sure I could open the cage. All I had to do was lift my hand and-

I couldn't do it. There was no hand to lift up...just elongated paws. I tried to sit up, but my limbs weren't working right. This couldn't have been right-

Ah...Silly me. Of course he did. Daddy was going to lose his job if he didn't make another talking chimera. So, he took me and Alexander and fused us together. I guess that was why I first thought of us as we. Then...Truth took Alexander away so I could go in the Gate.

A lock of my brown hair fell into my eyes, and I shook my head to shake it away. At least I could still move my neck right. Kinda. I moved one paw forward, stood up. It was unnatural, of course, but I could figure it out. It was like playing make-believe! I was the Doggy now, that's all.

The door on the other side of the room swung open. Daddy walked in. I barely noticed the difference as he turned on the light. I felt sorry for Daddy. His eyes must be pretty bad if he needs to turn on the lights in here. It's to bright already...Or I could see in the dark...like a kitty! But...Alexander wasn't a kitty...so...maybe Daddy added other things.

"C'mon you." He said, and opened the door to my cage. I took a careful step out. It was less cramped out here...easier for me to move.

"Sit." He ordered, like I was just a dog. I did what he wanted. Maybe, he could change me back. So, I'll be a good girl right now. However...I knew he couldn't change me back. The Gate taught me that Human Transmutation didn't work like that.

I tilted my head, listening to the hissing and growling of my fellow chimera. Then, I heard the click of another door opening and closing, "Now, be a good girl." Daddy said to me, and I almost nodded, but decided not too.

I just ducked my head. There was no hope.

"Over here." Daddy called, to whoever had come in.

I heard two sets of footsteps moving towards the little room Daddy and I were in. One set was loud and metallic, like the pots and pans in our kitchen when they tapped against each other. The other set was lighter, but there was a dull metallic tone in every other step. It was a bit like...

"Mister Tucker? Nina?"

The door swung open, and I watched through the thick hair that swung in my face as my big brothers came in. They wouldn't recognize me.

"Hey there you are." Edward said to Daddy. Behind him I could see Alphonse looking over him. I wanted to hug them both, but I doubted these...leg-arm things could hug anybody. Daddy had also told me to be a good girl...so I probably wasn't allowed to move.

"Oh, it's you guys." Daddy pretended to be surprised, but he had known they'd be coming...maybe. They came around a lot. It was always fun to play.

"Look," Daddy continued, "It's my newest creation."

Edward opened the door a little bit more until I was sitting in the light cast from the hall. I could only hang my head and stare back as they stared at me. They didn't recognize me.

"It's a chimera that talks like a human." Daddy stood up. He was so proud. "Watch this!"

Daddy kneeled back down in front of me and gestured to Edward, "This person is Edward, understand?"

"Ed...ward." I repeated, my throat protesting as I did. It wasn't used to talking. It felt natural and unnatural at the same time. I wasn't sure I liked it.

Daddy rubbed my head, "That's right. Very good."

See? Nina could be a good girl...Even if i knew it didn't work like that..I still wanted to be a good girl...so maybe Daddy would find a way to turn me back? Maybe he could even get Alexander back? Alexander was my best friend. He was my only friend, besides my new brothers.

"Veh...ree...gooood?" I repeated again. I wanted to say so many things that it was so hard to get anything from thought to words that it was just easier to go with what Daddy said until I was used to talking. Maybe i should just repeated something oer and over until I was used o talking again?

"Edward." That was easy enough to say...just two little clap thingies...what were they called...syllables? Yes.

"Wow. I don't believe it. It really talks." Edward said. That was mean Edward...I'm not an It. I'm a she. At least I hope I am...But Alexander was a he? What was I? I didn't want to look. I settled for just staring at Edward as I repeated his name.

"Edward. Edward. Edward."

"Uh-huh. I'm glad that I made it in time for the assessment." Daddy told my brothers. That was right...the assessment was coming...that was why Daddy was spending so much more time in his lab. He needed to make another chimera, like he did when I was younger.

He did it in time all right. But this time he didn't have a Mommy to use as parts, so he had to use me.

"This just saved my neck. And when the grant money kicks in, I won't have to worry about research costs for a while."

"Edward. Edward." I continued, finely getting used to the feeling of my vocal cords vibrating to create this noise that formed words as I moved my lips and tongue. I decided to keep going, "Edwarrrrd...Eeeeedward. Edwardo. Eddie. Edward. Edward. Edward...

Maybe I changed things up a little. But it was time to try a new word. This one was boring.

"Big...Bruh...ther..."

Edward seemed to freeze, his golden eyes widening. Oh dear...Maybe I shouldn't have said that? Baaaad Nina.

"Mister Tucker...When was it you got your license? By making the first chimera that spoke human words?" Big Brother sounded cold and he looked angry...but in a weird numb sorta way. He just kept on staring at me, but I knew he wasn't mad at me...his eyes weren't mad. He...pitied me? He looked at me so sadly.

I didn't like that look on Big Brother's face.

"Uh...that was two years ago."

"And when did your wife leave?" Edward asked, but he still didn't look away. After a while, i tried not to look him in the eyes. It hurt too much. Edward slipped a hand under my muzzle to make me look up at him. I think he was searching for something, but I didn't know what it was. Was he looking for the rest of Nina? I didn't feel like I was completely Nina.

I had blended with Alexander too make a whole...but when Truth took Alexander away...had anything filled that? When Big Brother looked into my eyes...did he see all of me?

"That was...two years ago as well." Daddy said. I could see over Big Brother's shoulder that he was staring at Edward now. He didn't look happy.

"Can I ask you one more question?" Edward asked him. I noticed that he was slowly starting tio shake...but he wasn't scared. He was still angry. I had to keep reminding myself it wasn't me he was angry with though...He was mad at Daddy...

I was pretty mad at Daddy too...Actually. I kinda wanted to...to what?

"What happened to Nina and Alexander?" When Edward said that, he finally looked away from me. I was glad. I wasn't sure i liked him looking right into these eyes.

"I hate perceptive brats like you."

I felt an odd vibration in my throat...half a growl I think, but I wasn't sure. I wanted to growl at him for calling Big Brother a brat...I wanted to do more than growl-

Baaaad Nina.

Edward slammed Daddy into the wall and started yelling. I didn't like yelling it was all too loud in these long, droopy eays of mine. It echoed and bounced in my head and drilled in, giving my a headache right away.

I tried to dull the pain by shaking my head, feeling the way my long...mane?...fanned out with the movement.

Some part of me could feel eyes on me and I looked up with my own to see Bigger brother...Alphonse, staring at me with those glowing orbs. For a moment the massive suit of armor was replaced with an image of that small, skinny boy with long hair deep inside the gate. That was right...Alphonse was there...so was he really here? He was. He had to be. Maybe not his body, but Alphonse was there in that armor.

So...maybe I was the same? I was still Nina...but my body wasn't here.

I was so lost in thought I missed everything they said to each other, and I was only drawn out when Edward smashed his fist into Daddy's face. And he hit him again and again...and i just couldn't watch. Part of me wanted to stop him from hurting my Daddy, but another just cheered him on. Daddy was a bad man. He deserved to be hit. Part of me believed he deserved worse-

Ah...Bad Nina.

Finally, Alphonse stopped Edward from hurting Daddy anymore. "Edward, anymore and you'll kill him."

They started walking away from Daddy.

"Haha..." Daddy laughed as he sat slumped against the wall, "Pretty words won't get you anywhere."

Alphonse looked back at Daddy over his shoulder, "Mister Tucker, if you say one more word, this time, I'll be the one to snap."

I didn't like that. Alphonse wasn't supposed to threaten people. He was a big metal teddy bear.

The suit of armor crouched down beside me, and he gently touched my chin. I stared into his glowing eyes and tried to tell him I was here, that I wasn't mindless like they seemed to be thinking.

"Nina..."

"Al...Alphons-"

"I'm sorry...we don't have the skill to turn you back to normal...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

I knew that. I knew they couldn't help, unless they had a Philosopher's Stone. He didn't need to apologize. He didn't need to cry like that.

"Alphon...se." I got his attention. I needed to say something to make him stop feeling so sad. I didn't like it when my big brother's were sad...ah. Nin- Oops. _I_ knew what to say. "Wanna...play?"

And before I knew it, all I could do was ask him over and over. "Wanna play? Wanna play? Wanna play?"

* * *

It was raining outside. Pitter patter, for hours and hours. The military men with those scary guns wouldn't let me go out and play. I loved jumping in puddles. Puddles were fun. Fun. Fun. Fun. Ah...I kinda wanted to try and say that.

"Fun, fun, fuuuun, ffffun, funnnn."

Daddy sat in a chair in front of me. All the lights were out, so the only thing making it bright in here was the window. He didn't walk much.

"Nina..." I said, trying my own name out, "Ninininina~! Nina. Ninnnna. Niiiiina."

I don't know how long we sat there, me trying to say more and more words and Daddy just sitting there, wallowing in his own self-pity.

After a while, I looked directly into his eyes, "Why...? Why...did...Daddy do this to Nina...?"

He stared at me. It was the first coherent sentence I had said, wasn't it? Well. At least I got it out. It was hard to get words into a sentence. I didn't like it.

Daddy only shook his head sadly. There was a bright flash as lightning struck. Followed by the lot rumble of thunder, which sounded so terribly loud now. I didn't like thunder either.

"Why doesn't anyone understand?" Daddy asked, "Why Nina?"

Don't ask me. I wouldn't know. I never understood why you did it. All I knew was that you did it.

My ears pricked as I picked up the sound of someone walking down the hall towards us. There was no clanging of metal, so it wasn't my big brothers...and there was no tapping of a soldiers boots.

So...

Who was there? Who was coming towards us? I stood up, lifting my head high and paced towards the window. I could feel my tail dragging along behind me. Maybe if whoever it was saw me looking outside, they'd let me go play?

The footsteps stopped. I could hear water gently falling from their clothing onto the floor. I turned my head to see a scary man standing in the doorway. He had a big X shaped scar on his face and sunglasses over his eyes.

"Are you Shou Tucker?"

"Who are you?" Daddy asked. The man didn't answer and only began walking towards Daddy. I made my way around the room. This man was...dangerous.

"What do you want with me? You're...you're not with the army." Daddy said. He stood up and began to back away from the scarred man. I looked towards the door. It seemed like the only available exit. Unless I broke the window.

"How did you get in here? There...There were guards outside..."

Finally the man spoke, "Alchemists who have strayed from the path of god must die!"

His hand lashed out and grabbed Daddy's face. I watched as red sparks danced along the man's arm before my father's head exploded, sending splashes of blood everywhere. I stared at the scene for a long moment.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, "Daddy...daddy...daddydaddydaddy..."

The man began to walk towards me, "How awful...now that he's done this to you...there's no way to change you back-"

"Liar." The word came out surprisingly clear as I darted away a few steps, "Big Brother...told me he'd help me. They're gonna change me back."

The man stared at me in shock, and I took that as my chance to run. I ran faster than I or even Alexander had ever run. The front door was wide open, revealing the rainy world outside and the bloodstained pavement. I went out and kept on running.

So...even the guards had died? Daddy was dead and the military men were dead...everyone was dead, but me.

They all died.

I lived.


End file.
